dig in deeper.

dear x,

2012-02-02T19:52:00.001Z

let's be nothing, i heard it lasts forever.

n

affectionate towards mr x in another parallel dimension.

2012-01-28T02:14:00.004Z

dear mr x,
with that smile upon your face, hang around for a little while, please dont drive away even for a mile.
different continents, its not a thing, endless borders, countless days, i know we’ll be okay.

however, the conflict is:
the usuals - he doesn't know it, i might be syok sendiri liking him too much, this thing might not even work, maybe we aren't meant for each other pun, Allah s.w.t may have other plans for me, etc etc.

i might as well forget him. okay. i will. stop thinking about him from now on, okay!

last few thoughts for twenty eleven.

2011-12-27T23:37:00.004Z

looking through the people that i hate, i suddenly saw my own reflections.
i hated them for their actions, their courage, their words,
but i see myself, a part of me in them.
what happened to the rebellious me?
what makes me so severely paranoid?
why i've became this insensitive bitch?
the more i seek god, the more i've became confuse,
hypocrite and to the extent of the split personality disorder?

note to self: i need to read more depressing books. not chick lits, but something heavier.

the adult.

2011-09-14T10:43:00.000+01:00

If you were to say to the grown-ups: “I saw a beautiful house made of rosy brick, with geraniums in the windows and doves on the roof,” they would not be able to get any idea of that house at all. You would have to say to them: “I saw a house that cost $20,000.” Then they would exclaim: “Oh, what a pretty house that is!”

the little prince, antoine de saint-exupery

random.

2011-08-19T20:21:00.000+01:00

why would i follow myself, oh tumblr...

letters - aug eleven.

2011-08-19T17:27:00.006+01:00

dear m,

how are you over there? i meant to write asap, but got caught up with life.
cant really say that i missed you.
i'm okay, cant really complain about life now, compared to ur situation i guess. but urs is not so bad isnt it?
i'm 21 now! :) and from the agama aspects i can say it is much more stronger now, i hoped.
u learnt more about urself, ur community, society and faith when u're abroad as opposed to being in malaysia itself.

i need advice. come into my wildest dreams, and tell me...
how do you,
console people...
u've been there havent u? u do know the feeling, of the pain...

and dont worry, i wont resit again, it nearly gave me a heart attack and breathing problems, and i do kept my words, if god permits me to do so, and if i had the rezeki for it, insyaallah.

n

who are you today?

2011-05-14T14:53:00.001+01:00

a caffeine OD med student with lack of sleep, turning insomniac, homesick and cant wait for the exams to end, and isolating herself from the outside world until one june...

nice quote, mr.

2011-05-10T23:39:00.002+01:00

that cheered me up a bit. destressing~

reasons.

2011-05-03T00:08:00.002+01:00

now i realised why i am so depressed in newcastle.
a. the lack of sun during winter.
b. no like-minded people to hang out with and talk face-to-face.
c. homesickness.
d. assignments results are rubbish.

urgh.
thirteen june, please fast forward.

elliot smith, kurt cobain, adolf hitler.

2011-04-20T20:22:00.006+01:00

what do they have in common,
is what i have in mind now.
except, i'm not allowed to do it.
yeah, i'm mental.

but then again.
i feel like someone is choking me.
not letting me go.
or is that my own hands around my neck?
my own fingers pulling the trigger of a pistol pointing towards my head?

the fever, the focus,
it used to be the reason i breathed but now it's choking me up.
die young and save yourself.

who are you today.

2011-04-19T22:53:00.008+01:00

homesick mode again.
did not want to move out from 162,
but it's not cheap for such life.
the house is slowing ripping off, the electric bill have increase to GBP 540.
the fridge, the heater, the washing machine, the drain, the satellite, all had gone kabooshed.

but,
the house in croydon is so digustinggggg.
how the hell am i gonna stay there?

depress. depress. depress.
just for 10 months more...

please don't say we're done, when i'm not finished
heart skipped a beat, and when i caught it you were out of reach
you made it clear, you weren't near, near enough for me
but i've been waiting too long to give this up
the more i see, i understand

so don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose
if given the choice then i beg you to choose
to walk away, walk away
life, can do terrible things.

Reblog: Berfikir Untuk Ummat

2011-04-17T16:33:00.000+01:00

Berfikir Untuk Ummat

note to self: something to think about.

no one will ever do.

2011-04-05T18:50:00.008+01:00

being the hopeless romantic that i am,
i went to ireland last weekend,
(with the impression that ireland = a romantic place, dreamy beaches, flowers blooming, fairy tales and folklores),
had to return back to depressing newcastle yesterday,
and facing a dead corpse today and looking through her post mortem,
(the smell, urgh, thank god i did not faint in the mortuary, but if i faint pun kan, ade mamat yg comel dkt situ who can sambut me if i fall, who looks like a character in my sims game, expect he is a brunette and my character is red head, anyway, back to the topic of ireland...)
yes, ireland was romantic, and as i was thinking about this,
i was thinking about myself,
how hard headed i was before, how i hate routines, and people, and commitment which will drain all my energy out and made me feel like a loser in between...
and it just reminds me of the story of a guy who had build a book where he painted and written a story about his love, and how his heart was stone cold and how the girl freed him but in the end his heart remains stone cold...
but at least he did not have any grudges on that girl as he claimed it was the best artwork he had ever done in years...

missing ireland dearly.

i'm a realist
i'm a romantic
i am indecisive and that's about it
the cribs, i'm a realist.

let's start a relationship.

2011-03-23T00:04:00.004Z

assignments and crazy housemates and homesickness and spring and easter holidays = daredevilish and carelessness and outgoing and daring and out-of-her-mind-thinking.

urgh. i wanna go home.
i miss mama and papa and essha.
i miss shasha, ida, liyana and aby.
i miss imen, krel, jijo, ejat, fariz, parez, afiq.
i miss wet wet malaysian storm.
i miss the sweatiness from the heat.
i miss kinokuniya, KLCC, pavillion.
i miss my books and the time to read.
i miss my mom's sewing machine.
i miss going to McD 4am in the morning.
i miss shopping until 10pm.
i miss my mom's cooking.
i miss laksa, mee goreng mamak, limau ais, tomyam, nasi goreng ayam masak halia, nasi goreng paprik.
i miss bullying essha around. she's going to college after this. i'll miss her even more!
i miss my radio.
i miss my dad's car.
i miss malaysian highways.
i miss call of duty and warcraft on the pc.
i miss fighting around with my brother.

let's start a relationship, mr. yearning.
yes. i have an intense feeling of loss or lack and longing for something.

When routine bites hard.

2011-03-22T18:30:00.001Z

And ambitions are low.
And resentment rides high,
But emotions won’t grow.
And we’re changing our ways,
Taking different roads.

Love, love will tear us apart, again.

Do you cry out in your sleep?
All my failings exposed,
Gets a taste in my mouth,
As desperation takes hold.
Why is it something so good,
Just can’t function no more?

Love, love will tear us apart, again.

that's how i feel about you, medicine.

ADD-ish.

2011-03-13T23:35:00.002Z

who knew i have a latent talent for cooking?

superlike the statement.

2011-03-13T12:54:00.001Z

"Jika anda meniduri kekasih pada 14hb Februari (hari kekasih), kekasih anda akan memberi berita baik pada 10 Mei (hari ibu) dan anda akan mempunyai anak pada 14hb November (hari kanak-kanak sedunia). Jika di lihat pada aspek perubatan, anda dinasihatkan jangan cuba perkara ni pada semua kekasih anda kerana anda akan mendapat berita buruk pada 1hb Disember (hari Aids sedunia)"
source

marry you.

2011-03-12T16:48:00.002Z

originally by bruno mars.
it's a beautiful night,
we're looking for something dumb to do.
hey baby,
i think i wanna marry you.

i should just go to the streets and sing this to some random guy!
joking...

:)

2011-03-08T20:44:00.001Z

u can be my one life stand anytime, mr im.

hhmmm.

2011-03-05T13:42:00.001Z

annoyed. coz buying mr im from the asian web is wayyyyyyyyyy more cheaper than uk's.
how come?

my life according to the strokes

2011-03-03T15:56:00.002Z

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 people you'd like to fill it out. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Re post as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your artist:
the stokes

Are you a male or female?
post modern girls

Describe yourself:
under cover of darkness

How do you feel?
heart in a cage

Describe where you currently live:
juicebox

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
on the other side

Your favorite form of transportation:
new york city cops

Your best friends are:
the way it is

Your favorite color is:
red light

What's the weather like?
evening sun

Your favorite time of day:
12:51

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called?
ask me anything

What is life to you?
hard to explain

Your last relationship:
automatic stop

Your fear:
fear of sleep

What is the best advice you have to give?
you only live once

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
reptilia

Thought for the day?
trying your luck

How I would like to die:
in her prime

My soul's present condition:
between love and hate

My motto:
i'll try anything once

What do you have to say to your enemies?
i can't win

random.

2011-02-28T01:07:00.004Z

i started to get depress as i could not find anyone to proof read my assignment.
i seriously have no talent in writing this style nor interpreting datas.

maybe i was better off doing something that i really liked?
maybe i suited india's studying style rather than uk's?
maybe i prefer sitting thru hundreds and thousands of exam,
rather than writing out the same things that the other 18 people are explaining too?
now i'm doubting my own ability.

dear god.
please give me strength for another 4.5 years and beyond.

quoting mj, life is simple, it's just not easy.

but i’d rather be working for a paycheck.

2011-02-25T00:59:00.001Z

than waiting to win the lottery.

2011-02-24T17:24:00.003Z

today was a pretty day
no disappointments
i didn't even try to hide
i'll stay here and never push things to the side
these slight surprises where life might twist and turn
hope to unlearn
strange things will happen
if you let them come around and stick around

<3 radio dept.

hysteria.

2011-02-23T11:33:00.003Z

omg.
have you seen fujifilm x100?
i so want one!!
but dang, it cost about GBP999.

its on my next bday wishlist.
i would so trade all my clothes, my foods, my polaroid stuff (except onestep), my bb for this!

i heart leeds.

2011-02-23T03:01:00.007Z

due to the fact that,
a) it was snowing, i wanted to watch the snow flakes falling again.

b) free transportations.

c) huge shopping malls = huge shops = morethingstobuy.
huge tkmaxx, twice the size compared to the one in metrocentre.
plus they have urban outfitters, american apparel and high end shops there, no need to go to ldn for boxing day. :)

i wear a suitcase,

2011-02-21T02:14:00.002Z

under each one of my eyes.

setapak.

2011-02-17T19:56:00.001Z

hanye perlu isi no debit card je ni.
knp susah sgt?

urgh.
impossible mr im.

random again.

2011-02-15T11:08:00.005Z

while eating brunch today,
she felt the urge to puke.
brings back to the days in 2000-2002 and 2005-2007.

i guess eating soup cures it all.

but what does a ten year old knows about bulimia anyway?
it became her bff every morning for years.
for her, vomiting solves it all.

okay. that was gross.
burn it afterwards.

how can i create a work of art?
domestic bliss are you taking the piss,
i need a minute on my own,
minute on my own.
so i cross my heart and hope to fly,
and fuck right off into the middle of the sky,
where no one can find me,
and no one can see,
that would be my ecstasy.

GBP 8.

2011-02-14T18:29:00.003Z

grrr.
the other day, the shipping rate was GBP 7.
now, it's 8.
impossible PX 600 film, you're so impossible.

random.

2011-02-13T21:51:00.002Z

finally identified three things that are morose/depress-proof for me.
rainy weekends.
genres of electro (celestica by crystal castles), alt (the strokes, anything by 'em), jazzy and relaxing (kings of convenience).
tumblr. never fails to produce something interesting. and loads of 'em too.

cheer up kiddo.

2011-02-09T22:44:00.005Z

this sucks.
i hate this feeling.
i wanna go back home.
i wanna hang out with shasha, ida, leeyana, ejat, imen, azizul, afiq, hana
not with the people here!!

but at least i am here.
i get to be here.
this signals a runaway to elsewhere...

god. julian sounds differ!
but still sexxxxxxay!
will wait for 22 march.

slip back out of whack at your best
it's a nightmare
so I'm joining the army
i'm tired of all your friends
knocking down your door
get up in the morning, give it your all
so long my friend and adversary

knp?

2011-02-06T17:42:00.002Z

mahal nk mati bnde ini.

PX 600 FILM VERSION 06

photograph me.

2011-02-04T17:52:00.003Z

like novice handling a camera,
my viewfinder is out of focus.
my lens aren't properly attached.
my photographs are blurred.

oh, take me on back, take me on back, take me back
to the place where I could feel your heart
is this the end
or just the start of something really, really beautiful
wrapped up and disguised
as something really really ugly?

letter - jan eleven.

2011-01-30T23:03:00.005Z

dear m,

as i am composing this in my head before writing it out,
it felt weirdly good and i was able to holdback my tears.
i know, i know, i am kinda weak. looks are deceiving. :)
it seems that to you makes me feel... i dunno, good, in a way?
haha. i'm such an eccentric person, conversing with u now.
at least it makes more sense.
rethinking about my thought and the thousand replies that you might give.
thanks.

p/s:
seeing how things turned out, i know i shouldn't be scared, everything is planned by god, should only be afraid of god.
i'm in high spirits now, even the dull assignment or exam results didn't damp me out, don't worry, i'm not quitting.

n xx

weekend.

2011-01-29T00:05:00.008Z

i feel like posting pictures instead of writing today.
like a creative outlet here pulak on blogspot. lol...
well bummer.

paris!!

dinner for two? or its just leftover plates from last night's dinner and today's lunch?
okay. i'm a slob... lol.

the diluted instant tomyam made by anati.
i need a proper tomyam now...

finally found a way for digital exposures! woot.
one less reason to buy a lomocam...

experimenting photographs in motion.

le petit prince.

2011-01-28T01:17:00.003Z

on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur.
l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

it is only with the heart that one can see rightly.
what is essential is invisible to the eye.

nothing is easy.

2011-01-27T17:19:00.002Z

isn't it?

follow me into nowhere,
woven with the utmost care.
celestica (crystal castles)

the story behind the song is a bit creepy thou,

“‎Celestica is actually the name of the company in our home town that produces plastic, someone who worked there committed suicide by jumping into a large container of boiling liquid plastic and the workers couldn’t stop the machine so the body melted and became part of the stream of liquid plastic which they use to create products with.”

ethan kath, cc.

162

2011-01-25T01:36:00.001Z

the cloudy northern sky, cheers.
calmness upon it,
warmest duvet of all.
the cold wind blows,
insulting every single surface of uncovered skin.
the flower wilts,
yet buds are still budding.
the puddle gets bigger everyday,
layers of grease colonising in between.
the shower's turning into a mini pool,
trapping hard water and hairs within.
classes nine to five, gaps for an hour or two,
gossips in the library while reading books about sociology.
whispers of girls next room,
comforted loudly by the strokes and two door cinema club.
no more snow, just the rain and old newcastle.

would you eat that?

2011-01-23T20:18:00.002Z

but it looks kinda cool thou...

i wish...

2011-01-23T19:17:00.004Z

that everyday is like today.
calm, no tears, no stress, no expectations, nothing...
free, released, letting everything go out of the window and just do whatever.

too bad today wouldn't last any longer now...
classes 9 to 5 after this...

mood swings.

2011-01-22T14:39:00.004Z

nk bg penyepak kt sume org.
nk makan sume org.
nk pergi somewhere yg jauh.
xnk g class.
nk tdo 24/7.
nk telan pill penenang byk byk.
nk dgr lgu kuat kuat.
nk jerit kt sume org.
nk hentak pintu kuat kuat.
xnk duduk kt sini lg.
nk pergi jog tgh tgh sejuk tu.
nk membuat craft.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

do you know.

2011-01-21T13:58:00.002Z

away from annoying people.
my exams are a bunch of craps.
my personality type does not says i'm meant to be a doctor.
(i thought so too, i was juggling between medicine and engineering before...)
or maybe i'm in the wrong personality types since i-dont-think-we-are-the-same-type person has the same personality as me and we dont really get each other sometimes...

ohhhhhhhhh.
the darling buds of may.
pls be here soon!!

masa.

2011-01-15T19:55:00.001Z

silala berjalan dgn pantas.
xkesah la cpt tua.
janji dh xpyh buat bende bende ni lg.

4.5yrs to go.

march twenty eleven.

2011-01-15T13:20:00.000Z

grrr.

2011-01-11T22:37:00.004Z

i am trying to keep my cool.
i am trying not to cry.
i am trying to be polite.
i am trying to cooperate here.
i am trying to keep the freaking pretty words from coming out of my mouth.
i know that things dont always go the way i wanted.
i know that i should be more patience.
i know that things happened for a reason.

but...
~~fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you.~~

wtf la.
amek ko.
tension glerrr!

fear starts creeping up when you have so much to lose.

notetoself.

2011-01-11T16:45:00.002Z

instead of white light for flash,
why not use yellowish, orangish flash?

hypothesis:
the intensity is lesser compare to white light,
it soften the pictures and features.
making the surrounding of the objects appear dimmer.

rebloging: kaayrel.

2011-01-10T21:02:00.001Z

If you love Allah say “Alhamdulillah” and reblog.
watch in 60mins what Allah does for you.
A boy ignored this and was too embarrassed to reblog it
but when he needed help from Allah was too embarrassed to help him and so ignored him.

perfume nye pasal...

2011-01-07T02:06:00.002Z

xstudy lg satu mlm. owhhh.
pasrah.

tp xjumpe jumpe jgk perfume yg murah...
-.-"

the strokes.

2011-01-04T19:13:00.004Z

can't wait for strokes' 4th album!!

decoding.

2011-01-04T15:54:00.007Z

1378: time awl2 orientasi dlu aku ingt ko ni sombong kot..hehe sori..tp pastu , ko ok je..juz ko jnis ckp direct kn. tp ok la, xbaek simpan dlm ati kn..huhu kelaka time ko sound dak2 laki dlm kls dlu..hehe hrp2 kte dpt jumpe2 nnt..dont b naughty2 ok!

oh tomyam, ko nk gk kan nme ni.. mmg fevret ko sgguh :P hmm ko... seswai ngan nme tomyam..haha...sedap dimkn, tp pedas. sejibik cm ko. kwn ngan ko best. sbb ko pndai,n ko akn share ilmu ko ngan sesape :) i like. tp, kne thn sikit ngan kepedasan ayat ko. hahaha. kate da ko tomyam. tp anyway, x regret kenal n kwn ngan ko :D best3!

1873: b4 rapat ngn ko aku rase cam kerek je muke minah ni..haha.
tp pas da kenal tu ko mmg best ah..n aku sgt kagum dgn kepandaian ko :)
tp time ko marah mmg menakutkn..hehe

1738 : kurus sgt!!!! tinggi lak tu! bole jd model nih... lesung pipit die dlm gile! hehe. rajin blaja sgt2.. mmg pandai! hoho.. dok sblh uma time kat kolej dlu. mule2 knl,, aku x tau pon die pandai ckp cina.. mcm x pecaye..heheh.. kdg2 aku tgk die nih berperangai mcm bdk kecik cket.. mcm naif je.. kdg2 la.. haha!!

‎1837: minah paling kerek penah ak jmpe... die ni frenly tp die kerek pn bleh tahan gak.... haha... slalu sound org direct atas muke... mmg bagus tp mcm x kene tempat je... haha.... tp die ni mmg baik giler la... pandai lak tu...

1387- aku kenal ko kt ktt..time tu sbb ko satu rumah dgn ehem2x~ x kn aku lpe seluar ko yg seksa tu!! n suke je annoy ko bile aku dtg ur ousse n wat bising dgn kwan aku tu..x sgka aku ko da kt uk!! serius jeles..tp u deserve it..study cm nk rak kn dulu..igt lagi dulu ko pernag ada skandal dgn skoolmate aku!! tu yg wat aku close dgn ko kot

1778 : Hmm..mase mule2 jumpe, rase takut ckit..sbb muka ko seyes..tp bile kt bekerjasame same2 utk rekacipta selipar tu..ak tgk ko ok jea..bg ak..ko pandai gile la..pape yg ak tak phm, benda tula yg ko phm..hehe..skrg rase kamceng gile dgn ko..kt mcm sempoi je..dan ak berharap ak dpt jd sekurus ko..seyes, ko ade ciri2 model! haha..

1387 : aku slaluuuu je pg wt bising umh ko kan?hahaha.xsalah kn aku pg menceria kn umah ko tu. :P bijak org nye.kalo xstraight A mase a level tu bukan die la..skang da kt uk da pn..jeles nye! mesti ko slalu pg boxing day kn?aku nk kirim handbag boleh?hahaha tahun dpn kitorang pg..tungguuu..:)

1738. kau sgt baik. selalu pow aku mcd. ko adalah jamban aku pabila jamban2 lain tiade. nnt ko balik bawak la snow tuk aku sikit. bawak tanah pun caro. hahahahahaha

1887: hmm minah ni.. mase first2 ak serabut tgk buku die merataaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! tp lame2 dah biase.. bile serabut pun rase kemas! hahaha.. sgt rajin buat nota and ternyata la pandai.. kuat mkn tp kurus sekurus kurusnyee... ni dah comel lote sket lepas fly! haha.. partner in crime bab2 shopping ;)

1337:em..pelik gak mcm mana leh kenal.owh lupe tem fesni..dye nie penari..hahahaa..tinggi lampai.kurus..suh makan banyak xnak..hahaa.pandai.cerdik.kagum ngan dye.hehheee.,nak jadik pandai mcm dye.baik,..hehee.thanx atas buku2 sume.:)

‎1337:time skolah dlu pndai.SPM 13A's klu xsilap. skg pn pndai jugk smpi further kt UK.im PROUD of u dear.mse skolah dlu ko nie "2 alam".tpi skng ko dh brubh,aku tgk dh xde dh "2 alam" ko tu,alhamdulillah. ko mmg kuat merungut.tpi merungut ko tu bole pki jugk la.bab2 couple ni aku pelik sket ngn ko.plg lame btahan aku xtau la kn bpe lme tpi plg kjp yg aku igt pnh couple 1day-1 week sj.haha. n ko ske mkn tomyam kn? :)

2010 + 1.

2011-01-02T19:40:00.007Z

i wanted to write this yesterday, but due to tight schedule and tiredness, well, you know...

happy new year guys.
may twenty eleven be a good one.
hopefully, i'm a better person for days ahead, compared to last year's.

:)

twenty ten, lots of memories.
moving back to kl.
sitting in the car with my parents and sister; talking, singing to the radio, taking pictures, viewing the sceneries.
hanging out with shasha, ida, yana, sherry, ain, and aby during the last few days.
sneaking out late at night and hanging out with the McD counseling club (imen + krel).
karoke-ing with ejat (imy!!) and mj.
a level result. ielts result.
moving to newcastle.
ida's birthday party.
meroyan at ktt - going out before exam, singing as loudly as possible, teasing each other, the stress, fatin's meow!!, dija's loud voice, talking to my room mate hani before going to bed, and other people who are there too.
going to eat fish and chips with mama, papa and essha.
kesempatan untuk beraya at melaka before going to uk and seeing my relatives.
finding my primary school friends on fb (mira yasmin, aainaa, sarah and the guy).
meeting hana before i fly.
the first flight journey ever.
my first snow and winter and losing the phone in the snow (-.-").
boxing day shopping!
akmal's death. i still cry thou when i read anything related to you.
hanging out with amir.
sewing stuff for myself and other people.
breaking up and be free.
seeing azizul at times and bothering him for discounts on books.

and i did missed out some good events too.
spending time with my sis after her spm.
shery's wedding.
not spending time with some people.

ngtvty + hmsck.

2010-12-26T19:33:00.002Z

feels herself surrounded by a cloud of negativity.

suddenly she feels homesick.
she cant wait for summer.
to see positive people and friendly faces again.
her family and friends, missing the guys.

lessen learned.
do not spend a single penny on anything unless it's THE summer or winter sale.

can you tell?

2010-12-23T19:49:00.004Z

have i been too discreet
how long am i supposed to wait
and i get nervous every time you speak
my heart sinks to my feet
what am i supposed to do?
i tend to lose my thoughts
would you let me know
cause I can't read your mind
oh can you tell
i can't even explain

okay. i'm a first year medical student.

2010-12-14T15:42:00.002Z

so what?

its not glamorous as it perceived to be.
it sucks. crying every week.

four and a half years to go.

while i was walking back alone today, i've been thinking (and cursing).
i've got the opportunity to do whatever i've wanted.
yet i choose medicine cause "its my life long dream".

to reconsider again, if i have chosen the path of engineering...
1. lesser workload still same amount of money generated.
2. there are more guys in the course.
3. lesser pressure to learn english (i.e. i can study in spain, or france, or germany, or japan)
4. aeronautical engineering.
5, 6, 7, 8........ -.-"

beauty.

2010-12-10T23:22:00.002Z

My darling Josephine (and those at her feet),

You sit upon a pile of broken boys, and you cross your legs and puff a greenly veiled cigarette. You examine the length of your nails, draw the curtain of hair from across your eyes, and smile for the folks, bare breasted onlookers, paternal well-wishers and next-in-lines. You shrug, blush, and mouth a half hearted “woopsie”. You draw a circle around your pierced lips with a sharpened tongue. And you think not of those like me that type away at the thrones of glowing rectangles to tell the story; one we all know so well of the girl we’ve all come across in our free loving fairy tales of 18-30 years of age.

When first I came across the Josephine, I saw not these slayings of my peers. These white flag waving little men turned babies of refused affection. Bibs and cradles. No, Instead I was drawn to what you wore (what that concealed and revealed) and the conviction and certainty with which you spoke. I dreamt then of these robes as piles on the floor; next to our 4 posted playground. And dreamt of your words, and that they included me, framed with what twinkle I desired to push pin through your big pretty eyes. But alas, the fit was not fitted, as each time you look across a room, crosshairs materialize on the far wall, so many men dropping flares and running diagonals. Did I wear a uniform, or am I right in remembering that I setup camp at the foot of your palace under a banner of truce? But still. Look what has happened to what we made with a few nights of misdirected glances without pants. If I knew then what I know now. Actually. If I knew then what I know now, I would have smiled and continued with it. Find a picture of her hooded in that careless cloak, and you’ll see. She is that hot.

You knew me before I was traveled and taught. When I was skinny and young and much too over thought. The summer so long ago when I returned as an object of your attention, I was foolish to think I could win a grander prize than a velvet pin on my sweater vest.” Good job, I approve” she patted my head and said, “a little to the left, that’s the spot” she moaned. And then you were gone. Like a child chasing a new butterfly. Except this butterfly was a guy twice my age, size and foreign accented. His heart surely hanged higher than mine, and for longer than what was needed to burn the porches of your adulterous parents.

Well. That’s the last of Josephine, or so I thought, till she possessed the next girl. She kept popping up. I would recognize her in another by the way she fit into the party. The parties all seemed to be thrown for her, to get her to appear; every party everywhere. Anytime. She would sit back and roll these things with her hands, and say very direct, certain things to men with beards, and boys with hats. She would dress down, but still have the room by the balls. She would cut other women down. Her friends even. What made her this way? Strange, I know, but so are the times in which I write and we live; tearing ourselves to shreds just to discover a palette of what it is we desire.

Her aura followed me to distant countries. Rings were returned to the lovers whose gestures they shrugged at. I found myself seeing Josephine from the other side of the stage; sandbags and pulleys rigged so carefully as to prevent the alluring atrocity from collapsing on the poor actors on the stage. Months of lightheaded uncertainty. Visas expiring. Hearts breaking but staying in shape; as when nobody is drawing more blood than the other, and tears are all around.
Still, her ghost hopped planes and followed me from city to city upon my return. And Josephine, What trophies you displayed, collections of love letters and dozens of missed calls from the needy child like pile of suitors. How disrespected I felt, to be invited to watch you dress for the requested presence of another fellow, when my invitations went unanswered. And so you shrugged, a date was not a date, with him or I or anyone, or so you pretended under your mask like face. So lowly I thought of you when revealed to me by the grapevine of he-said-she-said that you kissed him. I kicked stones home confused.

My sensations warranted not by jealously, your tongue is your own, but by that silver hook with which you reeled me in to make me watch this game. Are we in high school? Am I a sucker? Not for the one on one, no. For my evenings are and were by no means yours for the reserving, and those nights were for the whispers of the other fair skinned cat queens of hip town NYC, not you. But your surprise at my encounters with them rest my case; there is etiquette, and should my desire to display gentlemanly puddle covering behavior to you made you believe that I slept, ate, cleaned pots and held harps while wrapped around your finger, then I fear you were wrong again. I was not at your feet.

Since the life of your living is but a book, a tale retold and retold, we who read it can flip to its suspenseful climaxings. Sadly you’re in this from page to page my dear, do try and stay calm. But this time, and this particular Josephine, I find its flimsy cover too mass-produced for my eyes to take in. What hammock of mine could support me reading such rest stop romance trash in the September sunlight? I know of the dénouement in the final few of these pages. Seen it before. The one where our Josephine wakes up alone at age 29, and her phone is left unvibrated during the night, and her virtual mail slots are empty to the click, and her suitors are all held in high regard by ladies far away, be them not as soft on the eyes. Your will be appropriated away, your spliffs will become infrequent and unshared by starry-eyed onlookers. Your pretention will be spilled onto the floor, naked and shivering, for the insecurity it truly is. Your invitations and manipulations dry up. Your collection of love letters will serve as expired vouchers that will set fire to your seat in the redemption office. You will demand recognition of their immortality when the very nature of their composition and delivery to you was to confess and forget and walk away. You will have a desk to clean. You will iPod-inject the music of boyfriends past into swollen veins to recreate the sense of spotlight you felt in the creative process of he who you tried to control with sonic sex rays.

You will yearn for touches that for years you held away for the sake of the pains you held too close. A simple tai chi movement away from balance the whole time. And by the way, Josephine, if that is your real name, when you started to mess with me, I slept with your roommate, in your bed. So there.

Yours truly.
-Edmond dates

Sent from my iPod

beautifully said.

light and easy.

2010-12-05T18:45:00.002Z

i miss my parents!! the jazzy and folky rhythm...
reminiscing the good old days when we're in the car together listening to the calming light and easy tunes...

5 years. 5 years. 5 years.

freezing from the bottom of my brain.

2010-12-05T15:56:00.004Z

when you can't think of anything better to do other than your assignments,
yet can't figure out the assignment actually meant,
it's best to complain, lament, brag, condemn about it in a blog...

yeah, i am freezing from the bottom of my brain.
apparently the neurotransmitters are frozen and the Ca2+ level in it is low.

analysing:
it hasn't snowed for 2 days and its sunny this weekend.

so i guess it has nothing to do with the weather outside.
c'mon, cheer up neurons and hormone,
this is really critical. i need you guys...

S.O.S!!

white oleander.

2010-11-21T23:29:00.003Z

" Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

"Who am I? I am who I say I am and tomorrow someone else entirely. You want memory to secure you, console you. The past is a bore. What matters is only oneself and what one creates from what one has learned. Imagination uses what it needs and discards the rest, but you want to create a museum. Don't hoard the past, Astrid. Don't cherish anything. Burn it. The artist is the phoenix who burns to emerge."

— Janet Fitch

i had no idea on how i stumbled upon this book, but i know these two quotes are inspiring.
i have to thank azizul for giving this book as my birthday present, 17th i think, or maybe 18th?
one of the best presents. :)

bored.

2010-11-18T21:14:00.003Z

really. whats the point of having this meeting anyway.
my opinions doesn't matter really.
so why bother?

farewell.

2010-11-12T10:50:00.004Z

i never had any friends who had gone so early.
yet when death comes, it's unstoppable.
He made us, and when the time comes,
eventually we will have to return back to Him.
at least its a friday night.
and i hope He puts u in a place with the good ones.

life is too short, isn't it?
20 years, nearly a quarter of a century,
is quite a long time...
long enough to make someone reflect upon their life,
thinking that 'fussy about petty things' looks silly,
regretful events seems to be putting on more guilt.
and also, someone to feel your absence.

farewell,
al-fathihah.

minor.

2010-11-09T21:07:00.003Z

lame sky... i want my internet...

it's been the same old depressing story.
or maybe it's more depressing the the former.
i'm always the eccentric one, the minority isn't it?

i miss my family. my sister. my parents.
i miss my friends, my real friends back in malaysia.
here. i'm just being a fake. a poseur. a hypocrite.
i hate it here. i hate the situation.

i want someone to talk to.
someone who isnt afraid of making decisions at the moment in time.
someone who i can count on during hard times.

obviously. they are not here. they are not available here.
they are back in malaysia.

suddenly.

2010-10-16T20:18:00.004+01:00

2 post in a day. wait, in a night!

it's weird to see a guy that u used to like actually likes the girl that u used to be close with when u're together in school.

okeyh. it's a lame post anyway. but it's shocking news to me! :o
LOL!!

-.-"

Mr. Shah or Mr. Morton.

2010-10-16T20:02:00.000+01:00

Please sound proof my room.

THANK YOU!

ncl!!

2010-10-08T23:37:00.002+01:00

i have finally arrived in newcastle!!
it feels... surreal.
OMG. bringing tears to my eyes.
after all these years of hard work, the constant moaning of having to study lots, and the depression.

but, it seem that, i'm having an awkward time here.
coz i'm not speaking like the locals are.
i'm finding it hard to talk the way they do.
maybe i should speak slower, 3 words at a time, with short pauses, in a sentence?

i love it here. yeah. the toilets are really a total pain,
other than the expensive food (DO NOT CONVERT INTO RM or else you wont eat for the whole week),
i like the scenery, the cold weather, the fact that it's near the sea (dying to go to tynesmouth, sadly, nobody wants to go with me, T.T), the cheap household items (IKEAAAAA!!) and the shopping malls.
one thing thou, i hate walking thru the parks where the dogs are running freely.
scared the shit outta me.

class is starting, i should have studied dr. middleton's lecture notes by now, but, the joy of having free internet (thx odah, :) ), too much distraction...

nearer to be further.

2010-09-05T23:41:00.001+01:00

i cant sleep properly now days.
*sigh*
too anxious for the date to fly to ncl.

i'm already starting to feel homesick.

:)

2010-09-01T11:13:00.002+01:00

tersengih sorg sorg teringatkn kate kate xbley blah sorg manusia.
LOL. bley x? haha.

53 and not so great anymore, is it?

2010-08-28T18:27:00.007+01:00

u're soo screwed.
i guess they never learnt anytning from piagam madinah after all.
aiyh. how can i save you anymore.
the younger generations are totally brainwashed by the decisions made.
i can understand mandarin. and i can read chinese.
it sadden me to know what they are talking about.
which makes me think, do they even follow the guidelines of al quran and sunnah nabi all this while before making decision, teaching other people nor before talking or giving an opinion?
nevermind all that, the best place to be in is maddinah or mekah.
its never you.

things are bound to get worse isn't it?
Corruption doth appear on land and sea because of (the evil) which men's hands have done, that He may make them taste a part of that which they have done, in order that they may return.
surah al-room, ayt 41.

next month is urs.

2010-07-29T19:43:00.004+01:00

ur developing, but having some people wf 3rd world attitude and thinking,
i dont think ur gonna make it...
truth are always covered by lies by people.
living gets much harder,
things are not cheap,
inflation rate increses, yet the work wages is roughly constant.
kids and teens wasting their youth away,
only thinking bout the fake freedom that they desperately wanted.
ur islam, but u dont look like it.

i'm so gonna read back all my notes on piagam madinah.
meanwhile, i hope that ur 58th birthday is in a better living conditions,
not worser, not pathetic, not sadistic,
the developing, truly playing the games by the laws,
not corrupting, not faceded by sad excuses and sweet promises,
the beautiful and clean u.

happy 53th, happy 20th.
maybe all of the above is about me and u.
however, as i'm growing, i'm learning.
and not regretting my mistakes,
as it gives me the opportunity to learn more about my lame self...
too bad for u, ur growing old,
but u are getting recycled and fuck up in each eras (except one, i think).
i hope u'll get something new in my era,
(not this one, the next one i hope?, but it doesnt look promising either, owh, well, i'll pray to god that someone good, wise, a real true khalifah will look after u).

failed. experiment failed.

2010-07-17T20:41:00.003+01:00

obviously;
i like to do experiments because it's fun to try out new things, extending your boundaries and stuff, plus to feed off my curiosity and challenging my lame self.

but,
i'm obviously not good at experimenting,
coz whatever i'm trying to work out goes terribly wrong,
and the result is totally inaccurate, imprecise, and disastrous.

so, the moral of the story:

dont do the experiments anati!! tgk aje org lain buat sudeyyy!!

the worst artist ever. period.

2010-06-25T20:09:00.003+01:00

try here.

tell me, there's no goodbyes.

2010-06-25T13:01:00.002+01:00

with every single day
we'll never feel the same
a single minute can't be wasted
tell me, tell me there's no goodbyes.
no goodbyes, the subways.

songs in my mind.

2010-06-23T18:28:00.006+01:00

currently,
there's 2 songs that kept playing over and over in my mind.
usually, i have only one song at a time.
huhu.
i find it weird.
that's all.

imagine waking up and there she is
and it's a million times the feeling that you thought it could be
as you see her standing there you start to think
of all the million little moments that have led to this.
so wake up, so wake up.
is it just me, is this the same dream?
mumm-ra, there she is.
too bad they broke up. they have an awesome collection of songs. pity.

are we in love? maybe in my mind.
are we in love? we can compromise.
can we change hands? can i change your mind?
change your plans. you know i can't change mine.
cause i'll never be his own.
i blame coco, never be.

nineteen.

2010-06-19T15:49:00.003+01:00

i've grown to realised that,
things are not so simple;
to be ignored, to be just pushed aside.

signs.
that i've should change my rough ways.

but then.
somehow, the brat inside of me, says:
what's the point of changing,
if you cant get the basic things right.

lol.
havent u heard the proverb 'a little goes a long way' anati?
you're lame as usual.

so maybe i should take it step by step to make things right.
by my 20th birthday, hopefully,
i'll set myself straight a little more than who i am today.
into god's right path.
be more graceful and grateful.

amin.

bell jar.

2010-06-02T06:37:00.002+01:00

if neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then i'm neurotic as hell. i'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar.

may. get ink, shed tears.

2010-06-01T16:34:00.006+01:00

i shall forget you.
eventually.
love, will only tear us apart.

ode to JD.

Февраль. Достать чернил и плакать!
Писать о феврале навзрыд,
Пока грохочащая слякоть
Весною черною горит.

Достать пролетку. За шесть гривен
Чрез благовест, чрез клик колес
Перенестись туда, где ливень
Еще шумней чернил и слез.

Где, как обугленные груши,
С деревьев тысячи грачей
Сорвутся в лужи и обрушат
Сухую грусть на дно очей.

Под ней проталины чернеют,
И ветер криками изрыт,
И чем случайней, тем вернее
Слагаются стихи навзрыд.

Борис Пастернак, 1912

translation:
February. Get ink, shed tears.
Write of it, sob your heart out, sing,
While torrential slush that roars
Burns in the blackness of the spring.

Go hire a buggy. For six grivnas,
Race through the noice of bells and wheels
To where the ink and all you grieving
Are muffled when the rainshower falls.

To where, like pears burnt black as charcoal,
A myriad rooks, plucked from the trees,
Fall down into the puddles, hurl
Dry sadness deep into the eyes.

Below, the wet black earth shows through,
With sudden cries the wind is pitted,
The more haphazard, the more true
The poetry that sobs its heart out.
February, Boris Pasternak.

sadness overwhelmes.

2010-05-28T19:33:00.006+01:00

can you feel the pressure?

2010-05-23T07:32:00.002+01:00

it's overwhelming....
i feel like crying.
i want this to end as soon as possible.
but i'm scared of the outcomes.
scared of failing.

haha. stupid me.
the exam haven't even started yet,
(thou paper 5 bio had already started but it was weeks ago.)
but i'm afraid that i'll make careless mistakes again.
that could cost my whole future and dreams.

can you see how big the force on me now?
i'm so tiny, so P = F / A,
the F increases, the A constant, the P also increses.

i've gone haywire already...
@.@

laziness creeping in.

2010-05-18T07:55:00.003+01:00

i should be studying.
instead, i'm browsing youtube and window shopping online.
the wonders of technology.
grrr.

are you ok anati?

2010-05-17T15:04:00.002+01:00

in recent days,
people keep asking me the "are u okeyh?".
i am perfectly fine.
i'm not crying my eyes out or tearing to death.
the breakup has been good.
it's like fresh air for me to breath.
a new scene.
less pressure during a2.

okeyh, maybe not many know why i was single or why i didn't inform them.
it's just personal.
i feel free. i can do whatever i want now without any restriction.
or maybe i'm just a commitment phobic. haah.

well. u guys should take it as a good news.
i'm SINGLE now. although not available.
but we still can berfoya-foya right? haha.

is working hard, crossing fingers, aiming high.

thanks for the concerns. :)

sudden erosion.

2010-03-01T11:38:00.006Z

it's like i am nothing to you.
a passenger on a five minute train ride.
or the wind that blew past you.
can i ever catch your attention,
without jeopardizing my pride?

andy warhol.

2010-01-28T17:33:00.002Z

"Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet."

new resolutions.

2010-01-21T16:15:00.003Z

i'm going to pick up the guitar again.
~~i'm going to sew my own grad dress.~~
i'm going to work hard to uni.
~~i'm going to be nice to everyone no matter how much i hate them.~~
i'm going to cut my hair at the saloon next time.

lmfao.

misery is a butterfly.

2010-01-19T15:53:00.002Z

it's like misery is an old friend, and it tricks you sometimes into thinking it's always going to be there, like you can't be happy, but you can. you can walk away from the pain and i think being in love is the best way to do it.

owh really, peyton.
it's so not true with me now.
:(

can you keep a secret?

2010-01-06T17:22:00.006Z

jack harper, he's so dreamy.
eventhou he's fictional.

my relationship state is a total blunder.
i feel the way emma felt when she's with conner.
it's maybe because i can't bring myself to say it out loud.
i don't have the heart to.

jack harper, could you ever ever be real, for me?
owh. i'm being delusional.
totally addicted on chick-lits that probably infused me with bunch of romantic lies that so will not happen in real life.
pathetic! tragic!

stat stat...

2010-01-01T16:05:00.005Z

currently i'm doing word doubles,
instead of figuring out a catchy phrase or jumble up odd words together and make sense out of it.
too lazy.
too concentrated.
too precipitated.

i suppose i should go out and celebrate,
party my heart out on a friday night,
ushering the third decade (goodbye to the word 'teen' soon) into my life.
owh, how i miss my childhood days.
this year, i would have to work harder to achieve my ambitions (as a doc, ironicly i can't stand the sight of a cadaver nor watch a horror movie where there is gory images and bloods and body parts being spilled out of the body...) and maintain my grades so that i could fly to india to do medic there.

that's why,
tonight, on my bed, doing statistics past years,
expanding my brain capacity,
wishing that a level would end asap,
and i'm already in the final year doing practical at india.

just a note-to-self that whatever i'm doing now is worth it.
patience, no pain no gain...

two-o-ten!

2009-12-30T16:12:00.005Z

i feel the salty waves come in
i feel them crash against my skin
And i smile as i respire because
i know they'll never win
there's a haze above my TV
that changes everything i see
and maybe if i continue watching
i'll lose the traits that worry me.
stop there and let me correct it
i wanna live a life from a new perspective
i wanna be praised from a new perspective
but leaving now would be a good idea
so catch me up on getting out of here.
patd's new perspective.

hopefully,
i'm gonna live 2010 and years beyond with a new perspective.

happy new year everyone!
:)

sleepless.

2009-12-29T18:10:00.003Z

not asleep yet.
staying up,
the urge to write something...
the same feelings,
as a person shouting at the top of their lungs.

if only i could understand something that i could not comprehend.

all you need is one.

2009-12-19T17:45:00.000Z

a break up, a freedom, a commitment phobic, a men hater, a workaholic, a single andartu, a lady with lots of cats...

paris, paris.

2009-12-03T20:23:00.003Z

one day we're gonna live in Paris
i'll find you that French boy,
you'll find me that French girl,
i'm on it.

and every night we'll watch the stars,
they'll be out for us.

so go and pack your bags
for the long haul
we're gonna lose ourselves
this time next year will be forevermore.

friendly fires' paris.

densed, learn.

2009-04-07T16:38:00.005+01:00

relationships,

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."

And the roses were very much embarrassed.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you — the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose."

lie in the sound.

2009-01-29T17:51:00.002Z

i am falling
say my name
and i’ll lie in the sound
what is love
but whatever my heart needs around?

i love this song very much.
its by trespassers william, lie in the sound.
pops out when the time i had troubles with him.
yeah, still mending that fragile emotions of mine.
but i did saw him yesterday.
and my doubts and hatred for him just went away.

i swear that i'm a heartbreaker,
but how did i fall so hard for him?
lorr.

i had a wonderful chinese new year celebration.
i hang out with my cousins, passing time.
it was nice as i only get to see them once a year.

gong xi fa chai.
happy chinese niu year!
;]

2009-01-26T16:53:00.002Z

ah. how annoying.
i wish that he could just stop being restless.
i'm not sure about him anymore.
how could u know if the person ur staring at is THE ONE?

i don’t miss him, i miss who i thought he was.

forget him.
i actually had a nice time hanging out at the curve and mid valley with my parents and sister.
1 1/2 year to go to india.

two way dream sucks.

2009-01-25T17:07:00.004Z

boys could be sometimes useful and fun to have around,
but when it comes around their pms days,
they act like jerks and suddenly cynical.
i'm not mentioning anyone in particular, ehem,
but i'm getting tired of his controlling ways.
i'm gonna lose all my guy friend because of my loyalty for him,
although i hide some of my very close guy friends away from his knowledge.
what can i do in this sodding position.
if i tell, i'll say goodbye to either,
if i stay silent and kept them my treasures,
he'll never know or become suspicious.
if i'm questioned, i won't lie,
i'll be super honest to him of my view on those guys, my friends,
as we have nothing chummy going around.
he's being over paranoid really.
love is give and take,
easy for him to say,
but would he listen and consider my ideas,
nor my friends who happened to be boys?

relationships are bull shit totally.

plastic's developement.

2009-01-23T18:27:00.006Z

still putting up d lyrics together,
kept changing d word to match d atmosphere,
too jovial would b very sinister,
mind juz lost within d empty papers.

listening to ataris after watching an episod of one tree hill,
missing him and he's miles away,
his absence is turning into a bitter pill,
i wish i could see him today.

;S

somehow...

2009-01-22T12:56:00.003Z

ever since my room mate hanisah shown me her's,
suddenly i'm inspired to re-write my deserted blog.
hehe.

nthg's new from last year.
i still don't believe in new year resolutions.
full of merde anyway.
just that i have to constantly remind myself to study very very hard and stop daydreaming + missing him...
he'll b in shah alam next month,
that makes him 4 hours ktm ride away from me...
mmm...

but compared to india, i should b grateful enuf for that.
huhu.

p/s : gud luck to frens who's taking as exam in may/june. ;]

sod.

2007-12-29T16:51:00.000Z

my fingertips are holding onto
the cracks in our foundation
and i know that i should let go, but i can't
i know i should forget, but i can't
kate nash's foundations.

why the hell i go and do a long list of resolutions and never do any of them.
forget it. fuck it.
i have screwed zero eight resolutions since its totally about shit.
i'll never gonna be committed to anything.
i'll never spend or save enough money.

hardcored.

2007-12-10T12:48:00.001Z

today i had a one on one session with imen about hardcore music.
lorr.
i still dun understand why others would listen someone screaming into their ears.
hint, hint, bro.

if its sentimental, i still can tolerate.
but hardcore, owh...

august is.

2007-12-08T13:49:00.000Z

AUGUST BABY.
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention.
no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous.
VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to.
has an 'every thing's peachy' attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted.
BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying.
in need of 'that someone'. longs for freedom.
rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by 'no pain no gain' caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious.
'charming' or 'beautiful' to everyone. stubborn. curious.
independent. strong willed. a fighter.

freed?

2007-12-05T17:27:00.000Z

last paper - done!
but freed?
i dunno.
i dun feel anything,
other than sad.
sad, upset, moody and everything un-nice.
i hv no idea why.
maybe...
because...
owh, i dunno.

damn.
this is stupid.